By Time Out contributors. Edited by Sophie Harris
New York is the greatest city in the world,
but is it the ideal place to live for everybody? With a slightly
awkward grin, we’re gonna say not necessarily. There are some aspects of
everyday life here in Gotham that can be a little, uh, challenging if
you’re not cut out for the city, from the subway trains to its unique aromas. Here are the telltale signs that maybe you’re not gonna make it in NYC.
1. You complain about the smell every summer. Go move near an open meadow website hosting or a forest if you can’t take it, weak-nose!
You think your art is wordpress so important that you shouldn’t have to have a
day job, and yet you can’t support yourself with your art revenue.
Portland, Oregon, awaits you!
3. You’re afraid to go outside
looking less than great. If you can’t go to Key Food or Duane Reade
without makeup and cute shoes, you need to move somewhere with giant
4. You think you have a right to privacy. There’s a shack in the woods with your name on it.
5. You haven’t learned how to use the subway within 30 days of moving here. If you don’t by then, you likely won’t. This is trial by fire, people!
7. You have severe claustrophobia. Why
torture yourself in a crowded city, in crowded subway cars, on crowded
streets, on crowded elevators?
8. You’re sidewalk-shy. Not a walker? Not a New Yorker.
9. You can’t handle living with a roommate. Sorry pal, but you’re going to have one (or, like, three) until you get married, win the lottery or move away.
You actually let someone push past you and steal your cab—you’re never
going to make it here if you can’t fight for what’s rightfully yours.
(Unless you’re upstreaming. In that case, release the dogs!)
You raise your voice when speaking to people who don’t speak English
well, as if that will help them understand you and not just make
everyone think you’re a crazy yelling person.
12. You actually
take flyers and CDs from the guys on the street. Lugging around a bag
full of trash is no way to live, metropolitan aspirant.
13. You regularly succumb to sales pressure and upsells. You have to be (mostly) immune to that shit here.
You’re not into the arts. Besides the bazillion amazing events
happening 24-7, there are beautiful murals on the streets and buskers on
15. You get outraged every single time you go grocery shopping.
Either learn to deal with the ludicrous prices here or move on, good
16. You don’t drink coffee. Sure we’ll stray to macha
or hot chocolate from time to time, but there’s only one brew that truly
makes us tick.
17. You think “real New Yorkers” don’t shop or
eat at chains. Yes, they do. And if you don’t, you’re going to run out
of money really fast. And Five Guys is really good!
regularly shush people in any context. We’ve all wanted to do it (and
occasionally do), but if you can’t put up with a little extra chatter at
a concert/reading/movie/comedy show/whatever, you probably don’t have
the focus required to live here.
19. You’re scared of screaming people on a crowded street instead of just irked by them.
20. You lose your place in the book you’re reading on a crowded subway platform.
21. You can’t eat and walk at the same time.
You complain about the weather. Yes, we have snowstorms, and yes, we
have the worst humidity known to man. But it’s worth it for those
blissful four days of spring and two days of fall we get every year. If
you don’t like seasons, cloud hosting move to L.A.
23. You think it’s dirty. And crowded. It is, but the sky is also blue! People who love it here don’t mind those things.
24. You still haven’t learned how to fold your pizza slice.
25. You’re not a romantic at heart. That springtime blossom! Those
snowy brownstones! The sight of either of our two beautiful rivers. If
these things don’t make your heart soar in the midst of the chaos, we
suggest you move to the ‘burbs.
26. You’re not prepared to help out your fellow Gothamite. We may be a surly bunch, but when the chips are down, we are so there.